Next Stop: the UN

Me: Baths, and bed.
Son: But...I thought you said we could watch some of a movie?!
Me: That was before you two began screaming at each other.
Son, to Daughter: Quick! Truce!
Daughter in reply: [Screeeaaaaaaaaam!] Leave me alone!!
Son, to Daughter: No, you don't understand! Truce!
Daughter: I don't know what that is.
Son: It means we have to get along, or we can't watch a movie! You want to watch a movie, don't you?
Daughter, suspiciously: With you?
Son: Well, yeah.
Daughter, shaking hands: Okay. "Truce."

Overheard a few minutes later...
Daughter: Screeeaaam!
Son: Remember! We're getting along? Movie?
Daughter: Oh. Yeah.

Sometimes, One Exclamation Mark Just Doesn't Do It

Daughter, opening parcel: Pony mosaic! PONY! It's so sparkly!!
Son, teasing daughter AND quoting Despicable Me: "It's so fluffy!!!!!!!"
Daughter, in a sardonic tone: That's so last season.

A Vastly Underrated Tense

Son: I'm hungry. I hardly ate any dinner. And I had no dessert either.
Me: Then eat something.
Son: Okay. And that thing was mostly true.
Me: What thing?
Son: About dinner and dessert.
Me: ... Well, I expect that most things you tell me will be at least "mostly true."
Son: Then: so it shall be!

***

Me: Could you clear the table?
Son: Never fear, Mother! It shall be done!

That's What I Would Have Called Her

Daughter, in tub: Mom, will you get in with me?
Me: Nope. I had a shower this afternoon. I'm good.
Daughter: Please?
Me: Not tonight.
Daughter, sounding desperate: But... I need someone heavy so the water will go up over the jets!
Me: Oh... So that's what this is about? You need water displacement?
Daughter: No! It's about me being your little angel.