Notes

Daughter writes us notes, all the time. I have said this before. Sometimes they're sweet and loving, other times purely to convey information (please mak hot choclit), and other times... well, see for yourself! This one, on a giant sheet of paper, was handed to hubby this week:

Oneday you were harsh to me so i'll be harsh to you. I don't know how to be harsh to you. but it's pay back time. I know I can! oooo yay. PAY BACK.

(Hey. At least all the apostrophes were in the right places.)

Santa's Bag of Tricks

Daughter: I really hope Santa brings me the things on my list.
Me: What list?
Daughter: I asked for: a real kitten, a real chestnut horse, and another American Girl doll.
Me: Oh.
Daughter: I asked for stuff for you, too!
Me: Like what?
Daughter: A lie detector. So you can tell when we are lying.
Me: I tell you what. If you don't lie to me, I won't even need one!
Daughter: Um. Yeah. You really do need one.

She's Chanelling Eliza!

Daughter, commenting on the 34 degree weather upon stepping out:
Aaaoooowww! It's bloody caaoooowwwwld!

Sometimes, One Exclamation Mark Just Doesn't Do It

Daughter, opening parcel: Pony mosaic! PONY! It's so sparkly!!
Son, teasing daughter AND quoting Despicable Me: "It's so fluffy!!!!!!!"
Daughter, in a sardonic tone: That's so last season.

That's What I Would Have Called Her

Daughter, in tub: Mom, will you get in with me?
Me: Nope. I had a shower this afternoon. I'm good.
Daughter: Please?
Me: Not tonight.
Daughter, sounding desperate: But... I need someone heavy so the water will go up over the jets!
Me: Oh... So that's what this is about? You need water displacement?
Daughter: No! It's about me being your little angel.

Charity... Meh.

Daughter, after birthday: You know, they say the best gift is sharing.
Me: Yep. They do.
Daughter: I hate that gift.

You Say Potato, I Say... Something Incomprehensible

TV character: Hubba Hubba Two!
Other TV character: That's jibberish!
Daughter, to me: So, what does that mean: Hubba Hubba Two?
Me: I don't know.
Daughter, in sardonic tone: They just said it's British.

Careful What You Wish For

Last week on the long drive to horse riding lessons, daughter sang, loudly and well, the same song. All the way there. After two hours with horses, we hopped back in the car for the ride back, and she launched back into the same song as if she'd never left it: Galump went the little green frog one day!... I asked her to read me her library book aloud, twice, instead.

So, last night, when we got into the car and began the same drive, the song popped back into her head: Hey, mom! Remember last week when I sang this song all the way there? Galump...

I realized we had no homework to do. No library book to read. I had not planned well. It was going to be two very long drives.

Me: Can you think of something different?
Daughter: Like what?
Me: Like anything?
Daughter: Oh, like "camel poop"?
Me: Yeah...
Daughter: Antelope poop? Caribou poop?
Me: Uh-huh. Okay.
Daughter: Bear poop, elephant poop...

Notes from My Daughter

My daughter writes, all the time. She passes me notes, all the time. These are four from the past few days, as written.

Wonderful Notes:
"You are a speshl mom. You are a rile speshl sheshl speshl mom."

"Hapey muthrs day. This is a book of you. We will put pickchrs."

Serviceable Note:
"Can you help me finde a little toy that looks like this: [drawing]."

Downright Threatening Note (Handed to Me to be Passed Along to the Relevant, Offending Girlfriend):

"You nede to pickup the note that you hide rite now or i will tel yor mom that you littered. the end."

I think she must have asked me how to spell "little" and "littered." But I wasn't aware in the latter instance that I was participating in the creation of a blackmail letter.

Fuggedaboudit...

I arrived home late last night, after an on campus event, to find a folded note on my pillow. "To mom" it said, from my daughter.

Inside I found a lovely drawing of two fish swimming toward two hooks which were dangling temptingly in front of them. I was in raptures.

My husband's translation: "Mommy sleeps with the fishes."