Next Stop: the UN

Me: Baths, and bed.
Son: But...I thought you said we could watch some of a movie?!
Me: That was before you two began screaming at each other.
Son, to Daughter: Quick! Truce!
Daughter in reply: [Screeeaaaaaaaaam!] Leave me alone!!
Son, to Daughter: No, you don't understand! Truce!
Daughter: I don't know what that is.
Son: It means we have to get along, or we can't watch a movie! You want to watch a movie, don't you?
Daughter, suspiciously: With you?
Son: Well, yeah.
Daughter, shaking hands: Okay. "Truce."

Overheard a few minutes later...
Daughter: Screeeaaam!
Son: Remember! We're getting along? Movie?
Daughter: Oh. Yeah.

Spoiler Alert!

Me: How was Gnomeo and Juliet?
Kids: Good.
Me: So, what was the story?
Son: Basically, it was Romeo and Juliet except--
Daughter: They were gnomes!
Son: --they didn't die in the end.

I'm A Believer

Daughter has a knack for bringing about coincidences. Maybe she heard something in the distance, or smelled sugar on the breeze, but as we were walking home today, she produced.

Daughter: I wish I had an ice-cream truck. I mean, it's not like I can snap my fingers [snap] and have one here. [Chimes in the distance. Unmistakeable sound of ice-cream truck. Son's jaw drops open.]

Like Indiana Jones... but with more screaming.

Son, in back of car yesterday afternoon, musing about school: Well, that part was boring.
Daughter: Don't include me.
Son: What?
Daughter: I'm not boring.
Son: No, not at all. You're not boring. You're a whole different adventure.

It's in COLOR

As in, my first story, now out on (Australian) newstands in Explore magazine. It's a two page spread, and has a really cute/cool illustration, as an added bonus. No article I've ever published looks this jazzy. I think we need to rethink the design of academic journals!

Pretty Incredible

There's a moment in the DVD extra on the Pixar disc of The Incredibles in which Jack Jack, a pre-verbal toddler, has Mozart played to him by the babysitter. His eyes go out of focus for a moment and you can see the switch in his brain go on. From this point on, Jack Jack has super powers too.

Well. Daughter had a similar experience at Family Art Night at the university late last fall. Supplied with toothpicks and styrofoam, she hasn't looked back. Son even commented at the time: "She's gone 3D on us."

A recent epiphany at home (epiphany: daughter cannot make all her structures with paper and staples) has resulted in Art Supply Extreme Home Makeover. Daughter now has megabox, with clean recyclables, duct tape, masking tape, bubble wrap, tissue paper, ribbon, egg cartons, yarn, straws, and anything else it seems safe and feasible to provide. She draws blueprints, and then attempts to build what she has drawn. It's highly architectural, and her parents are so proud.

But we're also living in an art installation. The Art Supplies are taking over the house. I've also noticed that recyclables are a lot less recyclable after they are taped with ribbons and waterproofed with bubble wrap...

Sound familiar to anyone?

Irony

Son has danced the Snow Dance, invoking all manner of precipitation. But there are more types of snow than dreamt of in his philosophy, and the kind he perhaps invoked is the one that doesn't stick. Or even stay frozen once it hits the ground. It has "snowed," steadily, all day long. Quite pretty, and very visible from inside our respective (oh so un-cancelled) schools.

On another note, tomorrow is one of my fav classes in the Romantic period: the ballad. I get to take in my ipod. Woo hoo!

Sweet Nothings I Love to Hear

Things I really do love to hear in this first week of 2010.

From the surgeon, after surgery that was going to reattach a torn tendon in my rotator cuff: "We didn't have to do open surgery, and in fact it wasn't the tendon at all. We removed an inflamed bursa, and shaved down your bone a bit."
It makes me wonder, retroactively, about the efficacy of the two MRIs I had that diagnosed the problem, but hey. No tendon or muscle cutting = fast recuperation. I'm already typing with both hands!

From the lovely editor of KC Baby:
"Would you like to do that piece on Baby Signs you pitched for our spring issue?"
YES! Yes, I really would. I will have it in early. It will be no more than 750 words. I can't wait to get started.

From the school automated phone call system, Thursday morning:
"Due to extreme cold temperatures and blowing snow, school is canceled today and tomorrow."
Because I am still on vacation, and getting up early to get kids to school in frigid sub sub zero temps is actually no fun for the parents either. So yay! Snow days!

From the editorial staff of a certain Australian kids' magazine:
"We are considering your story for our next issue."
Really? I'm thrilled. I think it's a neat story too, and it would be a first fiction publication in magazine format, and my mom lives in Australia, and she could read it fresh off the newstand... Ahem.

If 2010 can just hold on like this, it's gonna be sweet.

No Fooling Her

Daughter (5): Can I be excused?
Me, to daughter: Eat a bite of your omelette first.
Daughter: Well, I'm making it into shapes.
Me: Yeah, well eat a shape.
Daughter: Okay. But I'll only eat the trapezoid.

***

Son (8) swinging a Christmas ornament in front of his sister: You are getting sleepy. When I click my fingers, you will do whatever I tell you to, for the rest of the day. Got it? [click] Okay, hang this ornament.
Daughter, ignores him.
Son: I said you have to hang this ornament.
Daughter, ignores him.
Son: You are getting sleepy. When I click my fingers, you will do whatever I tell you to, for the next HOUR. Got it?
Daughter, ignores him.

Oh Yeah!

Am happily bragging today about my great emailed news from the magazine Appleseeds: my pitch to write a piece on medieval "dirty work" got accepted for one of their upcoming themed issues! Now, how to write a long and interesting piece, and then hack it back into a well- crafted 300 word mini-masterpiece ... I got done with my first example of wonderfully disgusting work and it was already at 344 words, so clearly I should aim for haiku.

The Return of Air Quotes

Daughter, discovering the power of 3s where air quotes are concerned:
Just because I didn't "STICK" it "ON" with "GLUE"...

My conclusion is that air quotes on a five year old make everything sound more fun. Things I should try:

• Honey, it's time for "school"!
• You really need to "straighten up" your room. It looks like a "bomb" went off in there!
• It's only "broccoli"!
• When I said "ignore" your brother, I didn't mean "refuse to speak to him all week."
• It is "pink." Trust me!
• Yes, that was a "lie."

Hm. It's a "gray area."

The Marriage of Two Minds, Admitting Impediment

I feel a dolt when I've "corrected" Son's 2d grade homework (and usually I think I've gone over it rather well) and it comes back from school the next day with one of his answers wrong, and circled by the teacher. I guess a few get by me. Which gives extra pleasure when one comes home from school unnoticed by either teacher. It doesn't happen often, but today's is great fun.
Q: What is the meaning of "gal"?
A: Wife.
Which is lovely, but when the question is posed by a Math Facts sheet, I suspect Son meant "gallon," instead?

Not the Hans Christian Andersen Kind

Daughter, pointing to my stockinged feet, screams (literally), and then shrieks:
"You're a mermaid!"
Less concerned with having terrified her, I feel magical.